


Am I Worthy?

by Iamfandomtrash162



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Rough Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 13:31:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21447001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamfandomtrash162/pseuds/Iamfandomtrash162
Summary: The aftermath of Season 4 both Catra and Adora try and recover, thinking over their actions.
Relationships: Adora & Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Scorpia (She-Ra)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 185





	Am I Worthy?

**Author's Note:**

> BIG ASS SPOILERS for the new season and MAN was I wrecked. I've also posted this on my Instagram account if you guys wanna hit that up where updated parts are posted before the full piece is uploaded here.

Heat prickled on her skin, the strong smell of the thick grey smoke swirling around her intoxicating her lungs as Catra looked at the destruction before her. Her breath was short and raspy, Catra flinching as her hand brushed against the scratch-marks along her chin, her body aching from the bruises beginning to form. Rubble was scattered across the ground, Catra pulling herself up to rest against a broken slab of concrete, resting her head gently down on its cool surface.

What else was she meant to do?

Everything… everything she had built… had created… was gone. Her army was destroyed, Hordak was gone, the Horde in ruins. Her entire purpose in life was stripped away… leaving her with nothing.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ People have hurt you…  _

  
  


Catra clenched at her hair so tight that maybe the pain would drown out the words whispering in her mind. They betrayed her. Double Trouble. Playing her like a stupid game until they finally got bored and left. They-they used her. They said they were friends, best friends. They made her laugh, smile, feel things she hasn’t felt since… since… And now they stabbed her in the back. Just walked away to allow the empire Catra had built crumble before her. Leaving her… alone.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Didn’t believe in you…  _

Stupid Shadow Weaver. This was all her doing. If she wasn’t so cruel, so vile and evil maybe Catra wouldn’t have ended up this way. She made her who she was. She made her into the monster she was today. And look at her now? Prancing around with those stupid princesses. Bet she’s happy now, being on the winning side, using those daf bimbos to her advantage just like she did to her.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Didn’t trust you…  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


How could Hordak throw all this away? Let his anger and emotions get the better of him? Over what? A stupid princess? It was going to be him and her, side by side as they took on Etheria, seeing it crumbling at their command. Everything was going so perfectly, everything to plan until he snapped. Until he found out about that purple-haired freak of a princess and came guns-a-blazing, destroying everything.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Didn’t need you… left you… _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Adora… Bet she’s happy now. Reaping in all the glory of their victory. She didn’t care about her anymore. Could barely share a glimpse at her without flinching. To think they were once friends. Best friends. That they were so close the thought of being apart was ludicrous. Adora didn’t care. She didn’t need her. She left her, left her here with nothing but her hatred for the world. It was Catra that wanted to leave first. She was the one that wanted to leave the wasteland of the Horde and explore but Adora didn’t want to leave. 

So Catra stayed like a lovesick fool she was. 

Yet when Adora changed her mind, when she wanted to go? She just left. Didn’t even think twice. Didn’t even consider that maybe just maybe Catra wanted her to stay, to be with her. No. Because saving the god damn world was more important to her. Her new friends, her new life, all too important for her to even think about her. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ It’s you… you drive them away, wildcat…  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“AHHHH” Catra ripped the headpiece from her forehead, throwing it across the room. Her heart ached, tears streaming down her dusty cheeks from the ashes clouding up the air around her. 

Everything. Everyone that was in her life was… gone. 

Shadow Weaver, Hordak, Adora… Scorpia. 

Catra knew she was harsh with her sometimes. She knew she snapped and yelled, the pressure and weight of the world around her becoming too much, Scorpia being the closest target to release stress. She knew she wasn’t the greatest friend but she never expected… never thought that even Scorpia, the kindest purest soul, would leave her too.

Maybe Double Trouble was right? Maybe it was her. Catra. The broken demented monster that drove the only people in her life that made her feel worthy, feel wanted, away. 

Drove Adora away into the arms of the Rebels. Followed by Shadow Weaver… and Scorpia. 

What was wrong with her? Why was she like this? 

Catra let out a sigh, wiping her cheeks as she curled up against the concrete.

She’s done with everything. Done with trying to gain power. What’s the point when those that you love aren’t around to share it with you. Adora. Scorpia. 

She couldn’t care less if a Rebel came in and took her away. Locked her up for the rest of her life. It’s not like she had anything to lose. 

After all, she’s the one that lost them in the first place.

***

The cold wind brushed against Adora’s skin as she hung her legs over the balcony ledge, the stars shining brightly in the skies above. She’s never seen stars before, only heard stories or legends. Yet, here they were, twinkling in the deep blue, a moon that wasn’t there before, glowing along with them.

It was weird. The stars. The moon. They were so beautiful and mesmerising. Lighting up the skies in a way that made her feel safe and warm. That showed there was more to life than just Etheria. It was so hypnotic and breathtaking. But behind their beauty held a strong reminder of all the pain and destruction that could have been. Reminded her that She-ra… the once symbol of peace and order in her mind was clouded by this void of darkness and desolation that the sword had brought. 

Etheria could have been destroyed. The entire planet could have been demolished, disintegrated, and it would have been all her fault. 

She was just a machine. A pawn in someone else’s game. Yet, even with the devastation that the sword could have brought upon them, she felt lost without it.

That was her. Shera. A powerful goddess that could protect the people she loved. She felt stronger, smarter, more in control of who she was. When she was Shera, people loved her, idolised her, respected her. Though when she turned back… when she was just Adora, the hanging memory of her passed hovered around her. The Horde. Hordak. Evil. 

Without Shera, she was just Adora.

And who would want that?

Glimmer hated her. She could barely stand being in the same room as her and that hurt. She was her friend, best friend, and now they were merely acquaintances, only discussing what needed to be done for the good of Etheria and even then they couldn’t help but argue. Glimmer loved Shera. But… would she love Adora just as much… she wasn’t sure.

Bow tried his best to cheer her up, to distract her from everything. But it was hard. Her whole life has been turned upside down. It took her long enough to get used to the power that Shera possessed. To understand how to balance the brute force with gentle nature. And now? It’s been stripped away. 

Adora wrapped her arms around her chest, her body shivering at the wind’s touch. She should probably go inside, though she knew she wouldn’t get any sleep tonight even if she tried. Her mind was too awake, her heart aching and body exhausted from physically and mentally fighting the will power to destroy the world. 

Adora sighed, tucking her legs up against her chest. 

It just wasn’t fair. 

Why her?

Why did all this have to happen?

Maybe if she never left the Horde things would have been different. Or if she convinced Catra to come with her… maybe things wouldn’t be so bad.

Catra. That’s a whole other problem. 

Adora never thought this was how they would end up. Enemies. Torn apart by a stupid war. There was a time when she thought she would live the rest of her life with her. Just Catra and Adora. The two against the world. It was so stupid how fixed she was on living up to everyone’s expectations of her. Shadow Weaver, Angella, Glimmer, the Rebellion, the Horde. They all had this perception of her being this amazing warrior. This beacon of victory. 

Except for Catra.

Catra picked at her flaw, teased her, pushing her down to the ground only for Adora to jump right back again, ready for the next punch. Catra kept her on her toes, never falling under the facade of Shera. To her she was Adora. A warm fuzzy feeling erupted at the thought. Catra. 

Adora sighed, rubbing her head against her knees, biting her lips at the thought of her. Even with all they have been through, the fights, the battles, opening the portal… Adora couldn’t get herself to hate Catra. No. She was furious. Angry as all hell at what Catra did. Yet, she could never hate her. 

Adora knew that deep down there’s good in her. That if she had just joined the rebellion that maybe they could have… they could have been… together.

“Hey, Adora.”

Adora held her breath, the sound of the familiar voice sending her heart racing, biting her lip as she turned herself around. 

And there she was. 

Catra, standing there with her hair as wild as always, yet her headpiece was missing. Her uniform that was once fierce and clean was covered in blast marks, dirt patches around the knees and sleeves. There were heavy dark marks underneath her eyes, as though she hasn’t slept in days. Her heart ached at the thought.

“Catra,” Adora sighed, her words coming out in puffs of hot air. A small smile curled on her lips, cheeks heating up at the sight of her old best friend. 

A chuckle escaped from Catra’s lips as she made her way over towards her, Adora, shuffling slightly to the side to make room. Instantly she could feel the heat radiating off her, a small hum echoing in her mind as the two stared off towards the stars.

“Pretty, aren’t they? The stars,” Catra hummed, drumming her fingers along her thigh as she swayed her legs over the ledge.

“Yeah, they really are,” Adora smiled, her eyes locked onto the caramel skin and blue/yellow eyes of the person beside her, dropping her legs down to mimic Catra.

“Um..”

“I’m surprised you haven’t called the guards,” Catra cut her off, pulling one of her legs up to rest her head on her knee as she stared into Adora’s eyes. 

Adora’s stomach flipped at the sight, her breath tight as she stared back at her.

“I mean, after everything I’ve done, destroying the forest, lied, used people to my advantage, opening the portal that almost destroyed Etheria.”

“Do you want me to?” Adora stated, raising her brow at her as a chuckle erupted from Catra.

“Oh no!” she exclaimed, “I was merely stating facts.”

Adora shook her head, trying to conceal the smile that was daring to appear on her lips. She could barely be mad at her now. How could she when Catra was smiling like that, crinkles around her eyes as she began to control herself again.

  
  


“It’s funny,” Catra sighed, “Both you and sparkles not wanting to lock me up. Though, Sparkles did try to blow me up with that magic stick.”

Adora winced at the mention of Glimmer, shifting slightly in her spot. She scratched the back of her neck, her gaze falling to her feet. 

“Oh?” Catra murmured, Adora’s gaze finding their way back to her.

“When Double Trouble said they did a number on you two… they weren’t joking.”

“Yeah,” Adora grumbled, flinching at the thought of the fights and arguments they have shared over the weeks. 

A heavy feeling pressed down on her. The guilt. The pain. She thought that their friendship was stronger than this. But when… when she blamed her for Angella’s death… that’s when she knew they would never be the same. 

Doesn’t she think that Adora already knew that? Knew that it was her fault that Angella sacrificed herself for her… well for Shera. Doesn’t she think that ever since that day she has been clouded with nightmares of watching Angella fade away, disappear into the abyss until she was truly gone? Having to tell her what happened when she came back? Doesn’t she know how much she ached that night, filled with regret and anger of how useless she was?

And that’s when she was Shera! 

Adora wrapped her arms around her waist, holding on tightly as she looked down at the ground next to the two of them, fighting the urge to fall apart then and there.

Catra went to move her hand, but hesitated, Adora, watching as it fell back onto her lap.

“I should… apologise for that,” Catra mumbled under her breath.

Adora’s eye widened, her gaze flicking up instantly, leaning that slightest bit closer to make sure she wasn’t just hearing things. 

“Excuse me?”

“I said, I-I’m sorry alright.”

She must be hearing things because Catra apologising? For anything? Just doesn’t happen.

Even back at the Horde when they would muck around and get caught she would never apologise. Just blame it on something else. 

So Catra apologising now? It seems so… foreign.

“Ugh,” Catra rolled her eyes, nudging Adora’s side.

“Don’t let this get to your head.”

Adora covered her mouth with her hand, hiding the smile creeping on her lips. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it…” Adora teased, the weight that was pressing on her chest moments ago lifting. 

How can one person change her mood so much? Alone, all she could think of was how worthless she was. How powerless she has become since destroying the sword. But with Catra? She’s giggling, laughing, bantering. Just like… just like old times.

Adora sighed, bumping her feet against the wall bellow. Old times. Before the rebels, the war, the fights. Just Catra and Adora… the two of them.

“Man, Adora! Stop thinking,” Catra punched her arm playfully, “It’s giving me a headache.”

Adora let out a forced laugh, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, kicking her feet against the wall again.

“Jeez. I didn’t mean you… ugh…” 

Catra ran her fingers through her hair, taking in a deep breath before sighing, her hands dropping so one landed on Adora’s thigh, their eyes meeting.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s fine,” Adora stammered, gulping as Catra’s eyes remained on her’s, the distance between them dangerously too close for Adora to think straight.

“It’s either you tell me or I’ll go get Sparkles and Crop Top to talk with you,” Catra raised her brow, Adora, gulping as she shuffled in her place.

“So spill.”

Adora sighed. She knew she didn’t want to talk to them. She knew that. That’s why she said it. And even though her mind was screaming at her, telling her that spilling her guts out to her former best friend was probably the worst idea imaginable, giving her exactly what she needed to use against her… her heart told her otherwise. 

Catra wasn’t here for a fight. She wasn’t here to plot against her or the rebels. She was just here. So with a deep breath, Adora turned herself around to face her, tucking her foot underneath her other leg as she looked up at Catra’s multicoloured eyes.

“I destroyed the sword,” Adora started, clenching her hands into fists as the memories began to flood back into focus, flashes of Mara’s face, Light Hope, the world crumbling. Adora flinched, shaking her head.

“It was… Shera was just a weapon… I was just a weapon, used by my people to gain ultimate power,” Adora gulped, feeling the tears beginning to swell around her eyes. 

“Everyone could have died because of me. And now? Shera’s gone, leaving me useless,” Adora exclaimed.

She reached out and grabbed Catra’s hands, tears now streaming down her face as she stared into her eyes.

“How am I meant to help when I don’t have Shera anymore? I’m just Adora… just me.”

“Bullshit,” Catra cursed under her breath, ripping her hands away. Adora’s eyes widened, watching how Catra’s face flushed with anger as she stared back at her.

“You weren’t always  _ Shera! _ You were force captain of the Horde! You were a fierce leader, fighter, soldier!” Catra exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. 

“Just because you had a huge sword and pretty long hair didn’t make you powerful.”

“That’s not-”

“Don’t interrupt me,” Catra hissed, her eyes narrowing as Adora cut her words short, biting her lip as Catra let out a sigh.

“You don’t need Shera to be amazing.”

Catra’s hand rested on her jaw, her thumb brushing against her cheek as she wiped the tears from Adora’s face. Adora’s eyes glistened as she stared straight into her bright blue and gold eyes, her stomach dropping, her body feeling on fire at her touch.

“You were always amazing to me,” Catra half-smiled, biting her lip as her eyes dropped slightly, pink beginning to glow on her cheeks. 

Adora’s heart raced, her breath caught in her lungs as she stared at Catra. She… she couldn’t… there was no way she could… could she?

Adora was speechless, her mind racing with millions of thoughts, questions she wanted to ask, scenarios that could happen, ‘what if’s’ that could be true. Catra’s words felt so raw. She looked so vulnerable. As though she just bared her heart to the world. 

Adora couldn’t remember a time when Catra actually said how she felt. Well, except one. The night when she was crying on her bed, tears welling in her eyes as she had herself wrapped in a blanket. Adora made a promise that night. She promised that no matter what would happen they would always be there for one another. A promise she broke… 

But looking at Catra now, how open and vulnerable she seemed, it reminded her of that promise. Of their friendship. Of their… bond.

Adora was wrong to leave her. Wrong for not trying harder. Wrong for not saying anything before.

But she knew now. 

She loved her… she loved Catra.

Through all her flaws, her mistakes. Through the fights, the hurt, the pain. After everything, she loved her, and she would never stop loving her.

Catra was her family. She was her everything. Before Shera, before the war. She was her first true friend. Her best friend and now… her first crush.

Adora felt her heart pounding in her chest, their breaths mingling as they stared at one another. They were so close, Adora could barely think. The only thing she could focus on was Catra. 

She leaned into Catra’s touch, humming at the warm feeling of her hand on her cheek as the butterflies fluttered in her stomach. Catra was right there, barely inches away, her eyes glowing in the moonlight, brighter than any of the stars in the sky. Adora moved her hand to mirror Catra’s, gently caressing her jaw as she took in a deep breath.

Catra’s eyes widened at the feeling, her lips slightly parted.

“Adora?”

And she leaned in.

The world around them faded at the touch of Catra’s lips on hers, Adora sighing as Catra’s hand threaded through her hair, tugging slightly to pull her closer. She felt like she was on fire, her nerves tingling, body burning as their lips moulded perfectly together in a hot chaotic mess. It was desperate and longing, a breath of fresh air Adora’s been holding back for years.

She’s never been kissed before. Barely knew what a kiss was, only the small glimpse she had read those years ago in the books she had sneaked out of the library. Yet, those books, the way they described the feeling of two coming together, kissing passionately and lovingly? It was nothing compared to the utter desire that was radiating from the two of them.

She’s never felt like this before. But she never wants to stop. 

Adora moved her hand to Catra’s waist, tentatively pulling at her belt, hoping Catra would get the message. 

And she did. 

Catra sighed, their lips never parting as her other hand holding her jaw, moving her legs so Adora could pull her onto her lap, tilting her chin up slightly, kissing deeper and harder than before. She wrapped her legs around Adora’s waist, locking her feet together as Catra threaded her hand through Adora’s hair, her hair falling out of its ponytail. Catra nipped at her bottom lip, the pain sending sensations around her body that made her head spin. 

It was intoxicating, overwhelming and indescribable. Catra’s touch was electrifying, burning her skin. And her sighs. They made her just want to melt there and then. Adora moved her hand to rest behind Catra’s neck, playing with the loose strands of hair as Catra leaned back, resting her head on hers. A soft purr left her lips, her eyes rolling back at the notion. Adora couldn’t help but smile.

Why did she not realise earlier? 

All this time they were stepping around one another. The play fights, real fights, teasing, the games. If she had realised sooner they could have been doing this, kissing, Catra in her arms, purring softly. They could have been... 

“Like what you see?” Catra smirked, lifting her hand to brush her thumb gently over her cheek.

A blush ignited, her cheeks glowing red as she stared into her eyes.

“Shut up,” Adora scoffed, biting her lip as a huge smile grew on Catra’s lips.

“Make me.”

Adora moaned, crashing their lips together faster than before. Adora was oblivious. Oblivious to all the signs and signals. But not anymore. Not when they could be like this. Catra purred as Adora tugged at her hair gently, cupping her cheek softly, the time slowly fading away.

Hours they spent in each others arms, the moon disappearing, the sky blurring into an array of pinks and oranges, Adora humming as she stared into Catra’s eyes.

This was safe. This was home. 

Catra and Adora, together.


End file.
